I am still trying to figure out how my days fly off the calendar now.  It seemed like while I was working especially during this time of the year, my days were at a snail pace, now I look up and realize it is true," Life is like a breath."  Christmas will be here before we know it, I will have a "daughter" soon and I am sure May 16th will arrive much faster than when I spent 9 months being pregnant with my sons.

However, I don't feel like I have wasted a single day.  I have not been sitting on the couch eating bon-bons, although that really does apeal to me.  I have spent a lot of time with my mom and I am grateful that I have been able to do so.  I have also spent time in  reflection and in trying to hear what the Holy Spirit is screaming at me.  

I heard someone say something yesterday about a "Facebook Family" where he implied that on Facebook all families seem perfect.  None of us are perfect and I especially am not perfect.  I have discovered something about myself that I am not proud of what has taken place within my soul.  I have been growing a "Root of Bitterness".

I wish I were as perfect as my Facebook page portrays me.  I don't know why this weed has sprung up, but I can tell by close examining it that it has been well tended.  I recognize those bent places where I have pulled it out to examine it and carefully held it between my fingers and protected it. While at the same time trying to deny it existed.

September 1st is just around the corner.  This is the time I always dreaded while I was working.  It was the busiest time of the year for me and I would run in a flat out sprint until the month of November appeared like an oasis on my calendar.  But, I don't have that excuse this year.

It's funny how God does things.  I have been reading the story of the Prodical son and I while I have always rejoiced as the child who returned, it was brought home in my spirit that I act more like the older son than the younger.  Yikes -- that brings me to my knees.

So I've had to ask Jesus to forgive me - again.  It is the sin that continues to trip me up. The one where I believe myself to be the axis of the world and things revolve around me.  September 1st brings me hope.  I plan on having an "attitude of gratitude the whole month -- even if I have to spend the whole month in my closet at home with my mouth gagged!  Don't tell that to David, he would find way to much joy in the gag.

A new beginning - AGAIN!  Thank you God for being new every morning, thank you for loving me in my bitterness.

Now what?    Another cliche' -- now I have to just "Do it!'  Forget about September 1st.  I must do it today or that breath that passes too quickly will smell as rancid as morning breath.  I need the mouthwash and soul wash of Jesus - not just every morning, but with every inhale and especially with every exhale.

P.S.  If in observation you see me being bitter - call me out on it.  Remind me that I have so much to be thankful for and your honesty as a friend is one of those things. Even if it hurts.

In a few weeks, I am going to be speaking at a luncheon for some ladies and this will be my 3rd time speaking with them. When I first received the invite, it was late on a Saturday night and I was snuggled in my bed, David sleeping beside me with my Ipad on searching for whatever would help settle my mind so I could join David in sleep.  When I read the e-mail my first thought was  "What in the world could I have left in me to share?"

You see, I only know my story of what Jesus did for me.  So I picked up His word and I began to read.  The Bible is such an intimate story and it never fails to touch me in places that I didn't know existed.  One moment it exposes my flaws while simultaneously applying a soothing balm to quiet my grieving, angry spirit. 

I see myself in the faces of the crowd as they praised Jesus with palm branches.  That's me standing beside the woman with the issue of blood, although my issues were of a completely different nature.  I was also in the crowd screaming "Crucify" because I could not bear the thought of the "nature" of  my issues becoming public knowledge.  I find myself as both the wayward son described in Luke as well as Onesimus, the slave whom Paul so valiantly defended. 

I see myself and that bothers me. 

So I don't know yet, what I am going to share, but I know this for sure.  It will be my story, perhaps wrapped in a different way, but still the story of how Jesus Christ met me in the midst of my denying him and loved me.

Once upon a time ........... and for all time ..........that's my story!

I have huge dreams of where I want my life to go.  The problem is there are times (many times) when I jump without even once approaching God and consulting with Him on whether or not this is where He wanted me to go.  I jump in and then I ask Jesus to bless my mess!  Am I the only one guilty of this blunder?

Jeremiah 29:11 is so familiar to us.  "For I know the plans, I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to proper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  I love this verse, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I read it and claim it.  I often quote it to myself when I am not having a good day.  But, the promise doesn't stop at verse 11 it goes on to verses 12 - 14 by requiring us to buy into the process.  "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found be you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from which I carried you into exile."

So I am seeking Him.  I need to know that the steps I take in my spiritual life between now and the end of my journey are the correct ones -- before once again placing my foot on the wrong path.  I know God called me into a speaking ministry years ago, but people have not broken down my door begging me to come to their church and speak.  I also know that God has called me as a Financial Counselor and that is starting to grow. I reach the most people when I combine the two although sometimes that is painful to me personally.  :)

So I'm praying.  Now that I am retired, I don't know exactly where God is going to leading me, but I know this, I'm not going without Him!  I'm going to seek Him with all my heart and He promises me He will find me.  That is enough for me today.  I so wish I had it all figured out, but I know God will show me each piece of the puzzle when He is ready..  Until then I'm standing at the last place I knew He called me too. So while it may look like I am standing still, I'm not.  I am preparing for that day and dreaming dreams of becoming who God has called me to be.

I have decided I am not a very good blogger. 

I looked back at the list that I wrote last  year and some things we did really well.  According to my receipts, I saved over  $1,400 by using coupons.  Our grocery budget is $400 a month and we were able to stick to this budget  --  plus we were able to gift other people from our stock.  I  also discovered that David feels really secure when we have more than 100 rolls of toilet paper in the house.  Who knew? 

I  started exercising back in September and I have as of today -- I am down 17
pounds.  Although, I will admit some of the weight loss is due to the crazy diet I started
last week.  I am trying to walk at least 2 miles a night on the treadmill and I  joined some  awesome women at church who are planning on running a 5 k.  I plan on  walking this first one in January, but I do plan on running/walking/crawling  through at least one more.  Who knew?

We have  come to depend upon the envelope system and I am so glad we decided to really
get tough in this area.  David is so funny, he does not like pulling money out  of the envelopes so he waits for me to pull the money out and hand it to him.   It really gives me a sense of security in a way, I never even imagined and I was able to buy the bench that I had my eye on last year.  Who knew?

Forget the  taking the lunch to work every day, but I did come home for lunch more and I
found that I really enjoyed the solitude on most days.  I also enjoyed coming  home for lunch and finding one of my guys at home.  Those are unexpected moments  of joy that I never would have experienced had I not decided to save my money and not eat out.  Who knew?

My biggest failure  in 2012 was not spending enough time with God.  I did spend a lot of time
working on my testimony and reflecting on why Christ thought I was worth the  price.   Even now as I write this my eyes are brimming at the wonderment of HIS  love.  So that is my goal for 2013 – to dig into HIS word and share the story of a God that loves us so much, HE was willing to die for us.  

Even though – HE knew.

I have decided, I am not a very good blogger. 

I looked back at the list that I wrote last year and some things we did really well.  According to my receipts, I saved over $1,400 by using coupons.  Our grocery budget is $400 a month and we were able to do this easily  --  plus we were able to gift other people from our stock.  I also discovered that David feels really secure when we have more than 100 rolls of toilet paper in the house.  Who knew? 

I started exercising back in September and I have as of today -- I am down 17 pounds.  Although, I will admit some of that is due to the crazy diet I started last week.  I am trying to walk at least 2 miles a night on the treadmill and I joined some women at church who are planning on running a 5 k.  I plan on walking this first one in January, but I do plan on running/walking/crawling though at least one more.  Who knew?

I have come to depend upon the envelope system and I am so glad we decided to really get tough in this area.  David is so funny, he does not like pulling money out of the envelopes so he waits for me to pull the money out and hand it to him.  It really gives me a sense of security in a way, I never even imagined and I was able to buy the bench.  Who knew?

Forget the taking the lunch to work every day, but I did come home for lunch more and I found that I really enjoyed the solitude on most days.  I also enjoyed coming home for lunch and finding one of my guys at home.  Those are unexpected moments of joy that I never would have experienced had I not decided to save my money and not eat out.  Who knew?

My biggest failure in 2012 was not spending enough time with God.  I did spend a lot of time working on my testimony and reflecting on why Christ thought I was worth the price.   Even now as I write this my eyes are brimming at the wonderment of HIS love.  So that is my goal for 2013 – to dig into HIS word and share the story of a God that loves us so much, HE was willing to die for us. 

Even though – HE knew.

 

If there is one thing that drives me nuts this time of year it has to be people that go on vacation knowing that they are going to be paying with credit cards.  Yikes!  Do you want that vacation to chase you long after the tan lines have disappeared?  If that is the only way you can afford to go -- don't! 

Get in the habit of denying yourself a few things today so that tomorrow you will have the choice to do whatever you want.  I love Dave Ramsey's saying, "Live like no one else so that tomorrow, you can live like no one else."

Someone asked me the other day what one thing she could do to help with her money and I told her to BUDGET - BUDGET - BUDGET!  However, now that I am thinking about the question, I wish that I had told her to remember that it all belongs to GOD.  That is so easy to say and so hard to personalize.  I have my moments just like anyone else when it comes to this, but, deep down within me I know that all money flows from His hands and should flow through our hands as He allows us to participate in his work.

When you budget the first - 10 percent should be your giving money, we choose to tithe ours.  That is the easy part of the budgeting process before we get into the nuts and bolts of how the rest will be used.  I will tell you that David and I have truly learned that you simply cannot out give God.  He still amazes us with his faithfulness. 

So that would be my first advice -- Budget -- but remember why you have money to budget in the first place.

Now don't get me started on the envelopes!