However, I don't feel like I have wasted a single day. I have not been sitting on the couch eating bon-bons, although that really does apeal to me. I have spent a lot of time with my mom and I am grateful that I have been able to do so. I have also spent time in reflection and in trying to hear what the Holy Spirit is screaming at me.
I heard someone say something yesterday about a "Facebook Family" where he implied that on Facebook all families seem perfect. None of us are perfect and I especially am not perfect. I have discovered something about myself that I am not proud of what has taken place within my soul. I have been growing a "Root of Bitterness".
I wish I were as perfect as my Facebook page portrays me. I don't know why this weed has sprung up, but I can tell by close examining it that it has been well tended. I recognize those bent places where I have pulled it out to examine it and carefully held it between my fingers and protected it. While at the same time trying to deny it existed.
September 1st is just around the corner. This is the time I always dreaded while I was working. It was the busiest time of the year for me and I would run in a flat out sprint until the month of November appeared like an oasis on my calendar. But, I don't have that excuse this year.
It's funny how God does things. I have been reading the story of the Prodical son and I while I have always rejoiced as the child who returned, it was brought home in my spirit that I act more like the older son than the younger. Yikes -- that brings me to my knees.
So I've had to ask Jesus to forgive me - again. It is the sin that continues to trip me up. The one where I believe myself to be the axis of the world and things revolve around me. September 1st brings me hope. I plan on having an "attitude of gratitude the whole month -- even if I have to spend the whole month in my closet at home with my mouth gagged! Don't tell that to David, he would find way to much joy in the gag.
A new beginning - AGAIN! Thank you God for being new every morning, thank you for loving me in my bitterness.
Now what? Another cliche' -- now I have to just "Do it!' Forget about September 1st. I must do it today or that breath that passes too quickly will smell as rancid as morning breath. I need the mouthwash and soul wash of Jesus - not just every morning, but with every inhale and especially with every exhale.
P.S. If in observation you see me being bitter - call me out on it. Remind me that I have so much to be thankful for and your honesty as a friend is one of those things. Even if it hurts.